MMA Roundup: Nate Marquardt, Captain Obvious Roundup

This week on the MMA Roundup, we’ll talk about where Nate Marquardt is headed and what his thoughts are toward his detractors. Also, Captain Obvious will debut on the MMA Roundup to give us the news as only Captain Obvious can! You don’t wanna miss it, so hit the jump and get yourself edumacated on this here sport of mixed martial arts, pronto!

Nate Marquardt signs with…BAMMA(?), wants to beat you up

I feel like Nate Marquardt pulled an MMA promotion out of his hat, hence the decision to sign with the British Association of Mixed Martial Arts, better known as “BAMMA”. Well, not really “better” known, because barely anyone’s ever heard of it, but you catch my drift. And thus begins Nate the Great’s time away from the warm, milky teat that is the UFC. It’s a cold world out there, folks.

I’m equal parts bummed that the Bellator talks apparently fell through and that Marquardt is out of the UFC in the first place, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta…oh, you know how it goes. For his part, Marquardt says BAMMA has been highly recommended to him by his peers: “I talked to some of my teammates, Tom Watson, Joey Villasenor, and they recommended BAMMA very highly,” Marquardt said on ESPN’s MMA Live. “They treat their fighters right.”

In other Marquardt news, Nate’s had it up to, oh, about here with all of the detractors that have been busting his balls lately about his testosterone replacement therapy. After all, it’s not right to bust a TRT patient’s balls in the first place. He’s had it to the point where, well, he just wants to fight those of you who have something to say about it.

“These guys are kicking me when I’m down, they’re calling me a cheater. Anyway they can get in a low blow, they’re doing it. They just don’t have they’re facts straight. They’re ignorant, they’re idiots and I want to fight them,” Marquardt told HDNet. I wish instead of signing with BAMMA, Marquardt would have just traveled around, fighting fans and pros who had a problem with his TRT treatments in backyards and parking lots. Like Kimbo Slice, but with a better ground game and a non-monetary motive.

All joking aside (and anyway, I wasn’t joking), here’s hoping Marquardt is successful in BAMMA and Dana White’s anger subsides (or is redirected elsewhere) so that he can return to the big stage one day. If he can get cleared to fight, he needs to be in the UFC. The Octagon is supposed to have the world’s best fighters, and Marquardt is unquestionably on that list.

Dana White goes a few more rounds on Twitter with…Frank Shamrock?

I know…shocking! Longtime pals Dana and Frank recently got into it on Twitter because of an answer Frank gave to a fan’s question. Oh, and I know they aren’t pals…otherwise, Frank would be in the UFC Hall of Fame where he belongs, right? (Hey, I hate him too, but right is right.)

Anyway, the fan asked Frank who he would come out of retirement to fight, and Frank said “Dana White”, even tagging his Twitter username in the process. It was the 21st century way of reaching out with a dainty white glove and slapping the UFC prez about the cheeks with it, and White was none too pleased.

White responded, saying that he was unsurprised that Shamrock would pick him over a real fighter after how Frank’s last few fights went, and even went so far as to make fun of Frank’s “goofy braces” that he’s had “for like 7 years now”. Oh, snap! You don’t talk about another man’s braces!

Frank dully replied, “anytime, anyplace” and White pulled Mike Swick into things, saying that Swick has wanted to fight Shamrock because he thinks he shouldn’t be doing anti-bullying PSAs when he’s a bully himself. To make a long story short, Swick’s reaction was pretty much “huh?” But he seemed down with a Shamrock fight, in any case. Thank you Twitter, for keeping fight fans busy between events, and for allowing Dana White to tell loudmouth fans to “fuck off” and make fantasy matchups before our very eyes.

Time to turn it over to our new correspondent, Captain Obvious himself:

The “Duh” Report With Captain Obvious

If it’s obvious, it’s here! Here’s what I’ve got for you this time:

–Kenny Florian takes his upcoming October fight with Jose Aldo pretty seriously, as any man should when facing a murderer the likes of Aldo. In fact, Florian says this: “I think he’s going to be one of my toughest fights or the toughest fight of my career.” Bold words, my friend! So you’re not taking a top three pound-for-pound fighter lightly?!? Good to know!

–Sam Stout has taken a controversial stance against beating the crap out of poor victims for amusement, which is a brave thing to do. He even made this radical statement recently: “Violence against people who are not willing participants just isn’t right.” You don’t say? Hopefully, Stout’s words will not polarize the healthy portion of MMA fans that regularly punch old ladies in the face and trip little kids on public sidewalks, then laugh at them. Kids, ask someone’s permission before decking them in the mouth! Or Sam Stout will fuck your shit up.

–You know Muhammed Lawal? Oh, my bad…”King Mo”? You know, the guy who I’ve stubbornly refused to drop from my light heavyweight rankings, no matter how many snickers I hear as I walk the halls of MMA Writer High on the way to study hall? Yeah, that guy. He recently told MMA Weekly that he would fight any other professional in the sport. But only for money, you see. He wants to get paaaaid. “I don’t care, I just want to get paid,” he said. See? It’s right there in the quote. This is news, people! A guy whose team name is “GDP” (or “Get Dat Paper”) is motivated by money? Also, we’ve definitely never heard one Quinton “Rampage” Jackson say this kind of stuff pretty much verbatim. I like King Mo as a fighter, but he needs to get a new gimmick, as the “refreshingly honest, funny black guy who always talks about getting paid” role has already been taken.

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Tags: BAMMA, Dana White, Frank Shamrock, Jose Aldo, Kenny Florian, Mike Swick, Muhammed "King Mo" Lawal, Nate Marquardt, Sam Stout, Strikeforce, UFC